Give My Heart a Break
by IthinkIamobsessed
Summary: Hollywood heartthrob Edward Cullen wakes up to the nasty surprise that his long time starlet girlfriend Bella Swan has been cheating on him. Feeling completely insecure and hurt Edward runs away. Will he find the strength to realize he is worth so much more? Will he be able to love what or who is good for him? AU/AH/OOC, EPOV
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first fanfic, so I'm a little nervous! As a little preface... I read a story recently that had a type Bella I didn't like (very new for me!), soon in the story Edward started a relationship with someone else. I was surprised at how I found myself rooting for the other relationship. Then because of recent events in real life I started thinking of a story and thought it might make me feel better to get it out. This will not be everyone's cup of tea but this is on my heart. Be gentle with me, it's my first time =) (PS because I'm so new and don't feel worthy of a beta I'm trying to make sure this is all grammatically correct on my own!)**

EPOV

"I said I was sorry Edward! I said I loved you, to everyone!" she screamed for the hundredth bazillionth time.

I was starting to not hear her. My stomach was sick. Tapping my leg and scratching an imaginary spot on my knee wasn't helping. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding. "I know." She looked at me like she needed more words, more emotion, anything. But I had nothing more to give or say. I needed to get out of here, to be able to think alone. But there was no way I would be able to get around the wall of paparazzi that was camped out in front of our driveway. Maybe I shouldn't care.

"Please," she left the word hanging in the air.

Please what? Forget this happened? Forgive you? Yell at you for sneaking around with your director and then come home to me that night? I was numb. I wasn't ready to have this conversation and I hated even more that I couldn't go out like a normal person and just drive around to let off steam. No, I had to worry about getting photographed looking sullen. I had to worry about our movie premier coming up in just 4 short months. I had to even think about the possibility of her filming the 2nd installment of her series with this creep next year. Why couldn't I have a normal life where I just had to worry about the next day.

"I need a cigarette." I rose from the couch and crossed the living room in 5 quick strides to slip out the sliding door to the backyard. I hoped she wouldn't follow me. I got lucky. Once outside I remembered I had quit smoking. Damn. My brain was so foggy things weren't making sense. I sat down on the vintage lawn chair I picked up at a flea market on a happier day. I needed to make a plan and it needed to involve getting away from here.

I finished stuffing a few more things into my ratty used army duffel. Clothes, hat, phone, wallet, tooth brush, tooth paste (even though there was only one tube, she could figure out how she would brush her teeth without it). I would have someone come get the rest of my things later if I needed. I took the stairs two at a time trying to look unfazed.

"Where are you going?" she gaped at me.

"Out."

"What about all the paparazzi?" Her eyebrows were at her hairline.

"I guess I don't care about that right now. If they take pictures of me, it won't be of something that I need to hide from the world!" I seethed. "They _will_ see me sooner or later. But I can't stay in here with you." I knew my words stung by the way her face immediately fell as she turned to the wall. I started to feel that little tug at my heart that wanted to forgive her. That wanted to run over to her and hold her and pretend none of this had happened. To remember that she wanted me, she does want me, still. Right? I wasn't sure. Could she be sure? Did she ever want me?

I shook my head in disgust. This is why I needed to get out of the house. I was falling apart, and considering forgetting this whole ordeal. I needed to be strong and get out. I reached for the door knob.

"Please don't go," she whispered. "I know I always wanted to hide our relationship, but everyone knows about us now! I told the world that I love you and respect you more than anyone else! We can be together now all the time, we don't have to hide!" She looked up at me, almost hopeful.

How dare she use public displays of affection as a carrot to dangle at me. She knew I was never afraid of letting anyone see my love for her, and only wanted her to love me back publicly. Some sort of affirmation, this is real, I accept you. I was so sick of hiding, or trying to kiss her only to have her put her hand to my face to "playfully" push me away. Sure I'd smile and laugh along, but each time it ripped a piece of my heart up. She knew I wanted this, and I started to feel that strange tug again to go to her. NO! I have to get out of here.

"Bella, it's too little, too late." I walked out the side door to my green Porsche, ignoring that Bella was starting to sob. I needed to get out of here, and that's what I did.

**A/N and so it begins! Let me know what you think, but seriously please be gentle with me, I'm scared! I love to read fanfiction but have always considered myself unworthy of attempting to write any! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: And so I press on. I have so many ideas in my head I feel it is best to keep going! SM owns Twilight, I'm just playing with her amazing characters. **

I drove and drove and drove. It felt good. I was starting to see what a joke my existence is. Edward Cullen, Hollywood star. Please. I was slowly starting to feel fake. How could someone as insecure as me ever dream of being a real actor? I re-read and re-worked scripts constantly, trying to really think of what my character was feeling. Meanwhile everyone around me just "got it." Jumped right in sensing some connection to their characters. I thought maybe it was just that particular script or character. On the next film I'd feel more comfortable. But the second guessing continued. Even though everyone always told me how great it was, or how I really nailed it, I just didn't feel like I did. I felt like one day I'd wake up and everyone would discover what a fraud I was.

But then Bella arrived. Working with her had been a dream. She was amazing. How did I ever get so lucky to get into a movie series with her? She pushed me to see my character deeper. In fact I started to really put myself in his shoes during our third installment of the Nightfall series.

I growled. I don't need to think about that right now. I could feel the panic settle in my stomach wondering how things would work out when I did all the press for the final installment of the series- Sunrise Part 2. I slapped my palm on the steering wheel two times, and glared out the window. I wasn't exactly sure where I was going but figured I would know when I felt like stopping. To distract myself I started naming objects in my mind that I passed, without really thinking. Car, palm tree, sign, building, pole, bush, cloud. This is ridiculous.

Soon my thoughts drifted back to Bella. How could she do this to me! I thought we were in love! I feel so foolish that I just shared in a magazine my thoughts on cheating. I think that came out a couple months ago. Shit, had the magazine come out where I said something about marriage? I can't remember. I feel like such an idiot. I began scratching my blunt nails against the steering wheel. I was beginning to realize my body was trying to find some sort of outlet for this pain. I wasn't giving it much.

Was she even going to tell me? How insulting to receive an cursory email from Stars Today, warning me of their next cover story. I had wanted to think that this was a one time thing, but what about during all their filming together? I feel like now that I think back on it Bella and James were together all the time.

My mind started to flick through all the images of them. Premiers. His arm around her waist. Her smiling up at him. Together bent over a script in deep discussion. GAH! This isn't helping. I started to think over our conversation earlier today.

_"When did this start Bella?"_

_"It just sort of happened Edward, oh I'm so sorry, you have no idea how bad I feel." she scrubbed her hands over her face._

_"I have no idea how bad you feel? I think I'm pretty damn sure I know what bad feels like right now." I paced around by the kitchen table._

_"I..." Bella furrowed her brow and ran her hand through her limp hair. "We were just talking and I was lonely and just so impressed with his ideas that it just sort of happened." _

_"When Bella. When did it happen?"_

_"About 2 months into shooting," she breathed._

_"And you didn't have the heart to tell me then? Or now. Have you been with him since? Still? Explain this to me?" I was starting to feel out of control._

_"No! I mean, we realized our connection about 2 months in, but we stopped. We stayed away from each other and situations like that." She took a deep breath. "Do you really want to hear this?"_

_"Bella you have no idea the wild ideas that are running around in my head. I think you explaining this to me could help me, but I doubt it will make me feel worse." I was wrong._

_"Well we were in hotels all the time, so the situation always just presented itself. It was too easy." She looked down, having the decency to look ashamed. _

_I took a deep breath. "What was easy? Sleeping with him or lying to me?"_

_She looked shocked. "There are only pictures of us kissing. How did you know..." she paused to think. "How did you know I slept with him?"_

_I rolled my eyes to the ceiling and felt my world start to break into pieces. "Bella you have always been about sex. Why would I think you would hold off from him, if you felt a "connection."" I was reeling, she just admitted they were having sex. I wasn't sure, I was reaching- but she just admitted it. _

_"It meant nothing! I realize that now, how much more you mean to me!" she looked up at me pleading with her eyes. They said strange things to me. Come back to me, I didn't mean it, I'm a good actress and I could be faking..._

_"Well I'm glad you realize that now. Perfect." I walked to the couch and sat down with my head in my hands. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled on it for the tenth time in the last hour._

Even thinking over the conversation now as I drove I couldn't think of anything more I really wanted to say to her. She had basically confessed they had slept together, even though James had a wife who was sometimes on the set, a few times during filming. Then once the whole thing was over they decided to move on and not look back on their tryst. Deciding it wasn't important to tell their significant others. Only flash forward to this month and he calls telling her he misses being with her. What a douche. And then my loving girlfriend, whom I've been with non-stop this summer decides to meet him at a parking lot for a hook up. Great.

I almost wished someone didn't take the photos so I could have gone on blissfully ignorant. I'm sure she wouldn't have told me. When I picture her in his arms, his mouth close to her ear, who knows _what _they were doing in her car. But when I think of her lying in a bed naked with him. Loving him. Letting him touch her. My knuckles were white on the steering wheel. I felt a tingling sensation in my face and my throat started to hurt.

What does this mean about me. Am I not enough for her? Do I not love her enough? Do I not please her? Maybe I suck. I could feel the fear creeping into my brain that whispered to me sometimes. _You don't know what you're doing. People only say you're good looking- they don't know what you really look like-especially in the bedroom. You say stupid things that embarrass your friends. You don't have what it takes to be a good man._ I felt realization slide into my brain as my eyes widened. It's true. I don't have what it takes. No wonder she left me.

**Poor Edward. Please know that while Edward is worrying about these things, they aren't true. He is just a self-depreciating soul. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: It's been so hard for me to write all this sad stuff. But you have to go through the sad to get to something good sometimes.**

After driving around for about 2 hours I realized I was heading to my publicist's house. I was completely on auto-pilot. In fact, when I thought back over the time I couldn't really remember the drive. Did I go the speed limit? Did I stop at the lights? Did the paparazzi follow me? Did they get any pictures? What was my face like? I guess it didn't really matter. I felt numb.

I started to feel panicked about just presuming I could stay at her house. Would she want me? Would she mind?

_Of course she will mind._ My self-conscious growled. _You are a burden to your friends._

I slowed to a crawl passing houses that looked familiar. Then I saw her gate. The window hummed as I lowered it to use her security box. I pushed the button and winced at the loud "squawk" emitted.

"Edward is that you?" Rosalie whispered. You could tell Rose was in her protective mode because she was cautious, even inside her house.

"Yeah..." I sighed. "I could use a place to stay for a couple days… if you don't mind," I rushed out. Shit. I should have called. I'm sure Emmett and Rose didn't want a depressed loser hanging out in their house.

"Of course we don't mind! I'm opening the gate, drive right in."

I let out another breath I didn't realize I was holding. I already was starting to feel like I was in some sort of safe cocoon. If I could just drive up this driveway and get behind the gates…things would be better. I let my car do its idle speed up and around the curve of her driveway and shut the engine off. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel. Now I'm here, but I still have the same problems.

Rosalie opened her front door and purposefully walked over to my driver's side door. She gave me a small smile. One that said "I feel pity on you." It gave me mixed emotions. Part of me said "Yes! Please realize how hopeless I feel!" While the other side said "I wish nothing had happened that would cause you to smile at me like that."

She shot a glance over her shoulder towards the road, then gingerly opened my door. "Can I help you carry anything?"

"I got it."

I stepped out of the car, pulling my duffel bag out with me. That was when I heard the faint clicking. I looked at Rose and she just faintly shook her head at me, keeping a small smile on her face. She placed her hand on the small of my back and ushered me around the side of her house to the backyard.

"They are already here?" I asked in disbelief.

"I'm assuming they followed you all the way from your place." Rose chewed the inside of her left cheek. "A couple hours ago they were already blasting on the gossip websites that you had left…" She let the sentence hang in the air. She was afraid to say her name. I watched as she continued up her deck to the sliding door. She slid it open and motioned for me to follow her in.

"Right. I guess I should have just figured that would happen." I knew they must have followed, but I truly didn't notice. "Did they take any photos?"

"Just a few of you walking with your bag to the car, and a couple long distance shots of you behind the wheel. Nothing terribly personal." She offered her small smile again.

"And now they know I am here."

She nodded. "But I think it makes sense you are here. Not much to read into." She was trying to be positive.

Not much to read into... I ran away to someone's house that was only 20 minutes away from mine after driving aimlessly for 2 hours. I'm sure someone at a gossip site would have a hay day explaining that in perfect detail. I could read it now "Edward Cullen storms out of house with old duffel bag, drives around talking aloud, beating his steering wheel, heaving huge sighs. Then once he realizes his life is over and he is utterly lost he drives back to seek refuge from the only friend he has-his publicist Rosalie McCarty, whom he pays to be his friend."

I glanced around the living room. I could hear Emmett on the phone in another room talking animatedly. He sounded as if he didn't have a care in the world. I was jealous. When I looked back at Rosalie I could see the determination that had taken over her expression.

"Follow me, I'll show you your room," before I could process the need to show her gratitude she was walking down the hall off the living room. I slowly trudged after her. She stopped and waved her hand into a guest room. It was basic. A queen bed, dresser, attached bathroom, small plasma TV mounted on the wall, and a large curtain hung from the far wall. I set my bag on the bed and walked over to the curtain. Pulling it back I could see the backyard. I had my own sliding door to go outside. It was a perfect safe haven.

"Thank you Rose, I'm so sorry to have shown up like this. You have no idea how nice it is to have some place…"

"Edward," she cut me off. "This is the least I can do. Don't apologize. We are here for you, if you want to talk to someone. I know Emmett shares the same sentiment as me-he is just on a business call with one of his trainees."

"Thanks, I think I'll just stay in here for awhile."

She nodded and I heard the faint click of the door behind her. I flipped off the light and slid down the wall to sit on the carpet. I just wanted this all to go away.

Time went by. I heard Rose and Emmett talking normally for awhile, but after I was in their guest room for a few hours they started to talk in hushed whispers.

"I just feel so bad for him," Rosalie murmured.

"I know. If something that like ever happened to me, if I knew you'd done something like that…"

"Don't even think it," she admonished.

"I know babe, I can't even let myself go there. It hurts just to think about it. I can't imagine the pain he is in."

"I worry about him being happy after this. I don't want this to add to his insecurities."

My insecurities? My ears perked up. What did Rose know about my insecurities? Was I that obvious? This gave me something new to think about. Did my other friends realize I was constantly worrying about what other people thought or saw? I know Bella knew. I wonder if she even thought about how deep this would cut me. Was that the point? To completely push me away, to damage me so much that I wouldn't be able to come back? It was working.

"He's going to need time," Emmett added. "But he'll be okay. Eventually."

On that note I toed my shoes off, stripped out of my clothes and crawled into bed. I'd had enough for one day.

* * *

"When was the last time he's eaten?" a hushed female voice asked.

"I'm not sure, he showed up at our place yesterday around 5 o'clock."

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Looking over at the clock I saw it was 1:00pm. Where was I? All too soon I remembered as a sick feeling returned to my stomach. I grabbed my shirt, draped it carefully over my eyes and drifted back off.

4:00 came as I heard a loud greeting from Emmett followed by a hissed "shhhhhhh!"

I rolled over onto my stomach and hugged the pillow. I stared absentmindedly, drawing circles on the sheet. A timid knock on the door drew me out of my non-thinking haze.

"Edward, it's Alice. I brought over some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. You know it's the best thing to eat when you don't feel like eating. Can I come it and give it to you? I don't have to stay; I just want to make sure you're…"

She sounded so skittish I had to interrupt her monologue. "Sure."

The door cracked open and I watched Alice's slim figure ease through the opening with a small tray. It brought back memories of when we were kids and it was our birthday. Our mom would make a special breakfast and serve it to us on these funny metal trays. Mine had Transformers. Alice's had My Little Pony. But today wasn't a day for celebrating. She set the tray on the bed and looked into my eyes. With that one glance I felt like everything I was feeling was spoken to her. She nodded once and slipped back out, shutting the door carefully behind her.

I ate every bite, drank the sweet cinnamony milk, and set the tray on the floor. It had been about 24 hours since arriving in this room and I didn't feel ready to leave it. I shifted over to the other side of the bed, to a fresh cool spot. I grabbed the other pillow and drifted off again.

A few days went by like this. I slept. I listened to Emmett come and go. I listened to Alice and Rosalie's whispers. I learned Alice was staying at a local hotel and driving back and forth to visit me. Or be my nursemaid more like it. I ate Alice's cereal. She was now bringing in roast chicken Ramen as well. I know not the healthiest of dinners, but a complete comfort food. She knew me so well. On day three she decided I needed a shower and fresh sheets.

"I put some towels and some hair and body wash in the bathroom for you. While you're in there I'll strip the bed and change it for you." She smiled at me with her eyes, but I could tell it was with great effort.

"Thanks," I rasped. My voice was scratchy and dry from non-use. It felt strange. Come to think of it I'm pretty sure the only words I had said aloud in the past 3 days were "sure and thanks."

I padded into the bathroom and shut the door. I turned the water to hot, steaming hot. I wanted to boil this pain away. I chanced a glance in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. A wrecked man. Who could want me? I'm not a man, I'm like a child hiding away. I sighed and stripped off my boxers. I needed a change of these as well, and stepped into the scalding shower spray. Boiling my pain away didn't seem like such a good option now, and I quickly adjusted the temperature setting. It felt so good to just stand under the stream of water. I squeezed out some soap and started scrubbing my scalp. My beard was at an awkward length and was starting to feel itchy. I finished up and shaved my beard off at the sink. I wrapped a towel around my waist and headed back into my room. Alice had changed the sheets, made the bed and pulled the curtain open revealing the sunshine outside. I dug into my duffel and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers. I noticed my phone. 10 missed text messages.

_"Where are you? Is it true you're at Rosalie's? I love you. – Alice" 6:07pm  
_

_"Are you coming back tonight? I hope you are. ILY – B" 8:11pm  
_

_"Man, I heard the news. Let me know if there is anything you need. I'm here for you. – Jasper" 10:17pm  
_

_"It's close to midnight, I heard you're at Rose's place. I guess that means you aren't coming back. Please text me. –B" 11:43pm  
_

_"It's 2am and I can't sleep without you. I know you can't sleep without me. You need me Edward. Please answer me! –B" 1:59am  
_

_"I'm so sorry…"_

That was it. I exited out and went into delete mode. I checked off all the boxes next to Bella's texts and they were gone. I went back to check one of Alice's that I missed in my desperate exit.

_"I'm coming to see you and I'm bringing something that's your favorite. See you soon. Love you – Alice" 11:33am  
_

Mmmm. That would be Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Definitely my favorite. I was so glad I was able to like that cereal again. I thought back on how at one time I couldn't stomach that cereal. About 5 years ago I was on set and I dug a bowl out of a back cabinet to eat some cereal as a snack. I poured the cereal, milk and spooned a bite into my mouth, only to see a wispy cobweb hanging out of my mouth and leading back into the bowl. Yick. I didn't want to think about it now. I had finally gotten over my aversion to it. For awhile I always felt like I might be eating parts of spiders. I snorted out my nose. Did I just laugh? I rose my eyebrows and thought about that for a moment.

I decided I did. I reached out and hit the light switch, pulled the curtain shut, and slid back into bed. I felt so much better all clean, in clean sheets and clean underwear. I was ready to stay in the bed again for awhile.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Still painful but stick with me. Things will turn around for Edward. Love him too much to leave him lonely! **

I reached out and tentatively touched the knob. Turning it soundlessly I exited what had been my world for a weeks time. I moved carefully down the hall, trying to make as little noise as possible. I had kept Alice at bay and I worried she would pounce on me the second I emerged.

"And you're sure it's no problem if we stay here while you're gone?"

"Actually it's kind of perfect," Rosalie answered. "I don't really like to leave our house empty for long periods of time."

I paused in the hallway. Rose and Emmett must be going on one of their trips. They loved to travel and did so whenever they had a free minute.

"I know! Emmett can move Edward's car into our garage in the middle of the night; then when the paparazzi come back the next day it will seem as if he has left. They won't know where he is, and that will give you both some more freedom."

I peeked around the corner to see Rosalie smiling hopefully. Alice looked just as pleased. I didn't know that I needed more freedom. I had closed out the world and was really enjoying pretending it didn't exist. In fact just seeing other parts of the house was starting to bring back the sinking feeling that the world was continuing on without me. It did exist- whether I wanted to acknowledge that are not.

Sleep wasn't cutting it for me anymore. I don't think I could sleep any longer. My body was actually sore from lying down for as long as I had. I needed something else to preoccupy my mind, and alcohol was sounding like the best choice. I crossed the living room and sunk down on the couch.

Suddenly the room was filled with just the sound of a ticking clock as Alice and Rose fell silent, noticing my company.

"Hey," Alice soothed. "Hungry? Can I get you something?"

"Sure, whatever." I gestured with my hands. Alice had some sort or maternal instinct thing going on. I think the more she thought she fed me, the better I would feel. She immediately got to work in the kitchen.

Rose strolled over to the couch and sat opposite from me. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't want to think about it. Right now I'm _not_ feeling. I'm empty, and I prefer to keep it that way." I tipped my head back and rested it on the high back of the soft leather couch.

"Okay, I can understand that. I won't talk about anything you don't want me to talk about right now; but I do want to mention Emmett and I are going on a trip. We leave tomorrow. I told Alice that you both are welcome to continue staying here while we are gone."

She paused waiting to see if I had anything to say about that. I remained motionless.

"I'm assuming there aren't any official statements that you'd like me to make, and if you are staying here I won't need to do any damage control of your image?" I tipped my head up long enough to see her questioning face, nodded and tipped my head back again.

"Alright then. Sounds good. I'm going to go finish packing." And with that she slipped from the room, upstairs.

Moments later Alice was carrying over a small TV tray with a placemat, silverware and a bowl of what looked like Mexican cobb salad.

"It's time to get some healthy goodness in you!" she insisted.

For a minute I just pushed the lettuce around, mixing the vegetables and dressing. Then I set the fork down.

"You need to eat it Edward, you're going to get sick if I keep letting you eat junk."

I shrugged my shoulders noncommittally.

"Please?"

I shuddered at the word. "Don't beg me Alice. I don't think I have the strength to hear someone beg me again…" I faded off.

She stared at me, frozen, with sorrowful eyes.

"Don't…ask. Not yet. Please." It was my turn to beg. I wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone, and especially not Alice. She made me feel safe, and if I let myself feel that safe I was afraid the wall of numbness I had so carefully constructed would come crashing down.

"Okay, just eat it. It's leftovers from last night. It's really good, you'll like it." She smoothed an easy looking expression over her face again.

I started shoveling small bites in, tasting nothing.

"Good right?"

"Great."

* * *

I sat on the porch in the backyard with a beer in my hand and several empty cans at my feet. Large hedges and a tall wooden fence encompassed the yard. I felt protected and Rosalie had reassured Alice that the backyard should be safe from prying eyes. I heard the whoosh of the sliding door, and Alice stepped out into the yard.

"When was the last time you showered?"

I squinted my eyes into the sun. "The last time you reminded me."

"So a week and a half ago. Hmm. I think it's time for another Edward." Alice tried to keep it light, but I could see on her face she was a little worried about me.

"Whatever you say sis!"

She rolled her eyes. She could tell I was getting a little cheeky with her. I knew she meant well but I was starting to resent that I needed to be taken care of, or watched. I crushed my empty can in my hand and dropped it on the porch. Alice immediately bent to pick them up.

"Let me." I sighed. I scooped up all the cans to bring inside to Rose and Em's recycling bin. It was beyond full.

"Alice we need to set this out at the road, for pick up. I hate to ask but do you-"

"Of course. I'll put it out tonight before I go to bed. There aren't as many photogs as before. I think they are truly starting to wonder if you're still here, or if your car is just parked here." She grinned. "I also noticed you pretty much finished off the McCarty's beer stock. I'll run some errands tomorrow and pick up some more."

"Thank you Alice, truly you are the best sister I've ever had." I teased. I was still uncomfortable with everything she had done for me.

She looked up with a small smile on her face. "Your welcome." She hugged me tightly around my waist. "I love you…but you stink! Go get in that shower!"

I tousled her black spiky hair trying to convey I really was grateful and headed off to my bathroom.

* * *

I sat in Rose and Emmett's large media room I guess you'd call it. They had a huge white screen on the wall, with a projector mounted on the ceiling. On the left wall was an enormous dark wood built-in filled with DVDs. I dragged my finger tips across their spines. Alice suggested coming in here to busy my mind. I was having a hard time falling asleep. After I had an entire week of sleeping I didn't really feel like doing it anymore. I'd spent the past week watching an ungodly amount of TV in their den. I had never seen so many crime dramas in my life. I was becoming a bit of an insomniac, mixing my days and nights up as well. Now that I'd made it safely out of my room it almost felt like I was going backwards if I went in there again. I unexpectedly found myself staring at a row of old Disney cartoons. I felt a small smile tug at my lips. If my innate reaction was to smile I must be on to something good. I pulled out a few old favorites, none that were overtly sad. Robin Hood, Jungle Book, and Peter Pan.

The movies passed the time beautifully. Once again I had found a place where the real world didn't exist. I was brought back to childhood when things didn't really matter. Your parents took care of everything. If something was bothering you, or your feelings were hurt they would help solve the problem. I liked the feeling. When I was starting to tap my finger on my knee during King Louie's jazzy serenade to Mowgli, Alice appeared at the door.

"Can I get your keys? It's 3:00am and I'm going to pull your car into the garage. It seems the coast is clear." She tapped out a funny rhythm on the door frame.

"Sure, they are somewhere in my room. Probably next to my duffel bag. Can you find them? I don't want to go back in there right now."

"No problem!" Alice bounded out of the room.

Sometime during the fight with Shere Khan and Baloo I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up hearing the refrains of "You can Fly" on repeat. Opening one eye I saw the menu screen for Peter Pan on the wall. I glanced down the L shaped couch. There laid Alice curled up in a ball. She must have joined me sometime last night and put in the last movie. I poked her calf with my toe. She unfurled her body and stretched like a cat. She offered me a lazy smile.

She gazed at the screen, "Hey. Hope you don't mind I started the last movie without you last night. Although I don't remember much past Tiger Lilly being kidnapped by Hook." She looked at me and grinned. "We can start it over while we eat breakfast?"

"Sounds perfect." I offered her a real smile.

We ate and watched a piece from our childhood in companionable silence. After awhile we got into a discussion about how many sexist things were in Peter Pan that we hadn't noticed when we were kids. Wendy wasn't allowed to do anything boyish. Her only roll was to be a Mother. She couldn't dance with the Indians, the mermaids tried to drown her, Tinkerbell tries to kill her. It was kinda weird. For awhile I forgot why I was here watching these movies.

When the credits rolled I decided I was ready for a new distraction. "I think I would like something to drink."

"Would you like some water?" Alice proposed.

"I'm thinking something stronger. Like a Jack and Coke."

"Oh." Alice didn't look thrilled, but she didn't look like she was going to say no either.

"Thanks, maybe I can talk to you a bit after that." It was a small offering that may or may not have been a lie.

Alice's eyebrows raised. "Don't play me like that. One Jack and Coke it is." She disappeared out of the room.

An hour or so later and many drinks later I was feeling calm and a little loose. Which was a step up from not feeling anything at all. Alice was doing her best to keep her shit together after I had just rehashed everything Bella had told me before I left. So I wasn't lying after all.

"Do you think she never intended to tell you Edward? Do you think the only reason she is telling you now is because she got caught?"

"I don't think she would have told me." I muttered. I raked my hand through my hair. I was in a haze. "Alice I loved her so much I think I would never have noticed, and she would have played me for a fool."

"Did you hear what you just said?"

"Um. Yes." I looked at her questioningly.

"Never mind," she shook her head.

Alice wandered over to the shelves and plucked an old Batman DVD off the shelf. I could see big yellow words across the back that said "POW!" and "BANG!"

"How about this next?"

I was surprised at how many silly movies Rosalie and Emmett had. In all actuality Emmett was a big kid at heart and I could see him treasuring these memories. I nodded my head.

Alice slipped the DVD into the player. "You said loved," she whispered.

"I know Alice. What we had is broken. It's over, I can't even stomach…" I took a deep breath and felt my chest tighten and my throat start to close up. I shut my eyes and I felt hot tears burn down my cheeks.

"I want to do something terrible to her," my sister murmured. "I can't stand that she was so disrespectful to you, that she could hurt you like this. I trusted her."

"Me too, Alice! I'm starting to doubt everything now. Did she ever really love me? Was I just a game to her? Was this just for publicity?" I fumed. My wall was starting to get taken down. It brought back the sick feeling to my stomach.

_She didn't love you, you are unlovable,_ my subconscious prompted.

My forehead broke out in a sweat. I needed to find a bathroom. I bolted out of the room and wretched in the nearest toilet. I heard the sink turn on and a cool wet towel was placed at the back of my neck. I wretched again, this time nothing rose out of me. I was panting and sweating and I felt like the blood vessels in my eyes were going to explode. Another sob escaped out of me. I was trying my best to hold them in, my head was pounding. After what felt like an eternity I started to breathe normally again. Alice rubbed my back. She handed me a glass with water. I swished and spit.

"Do you want to walk back to the movie room, or your bedroom?"

"Movie room's closer," I breathed.

That night Alice kept me away from alcohol. I knew that wasn't why I threw up, but Alice was unsure. She didn't know the musings that went on inside my head. She made me eat plain toast, and I was once again allowed to eat roast chicken Ramen.

* * *

After Alice hid my car in the garage the paparazzi hung around only a few more days before guessing that I had moved on. The next week Alice had a rental car delivered to the house for my use. She also rented a storage unit and had all my things removed from my home. She contacted my lawyer to figure out what to do with my share of the house. Honestly at this point I didn't care about that at all. I just wanted to continue pretending Bella didn't exist. I'd gone back to sleeping, but at odd times. I was trying to avoid the nightmares that whispered to me in the night. I talked to my parents on the phone, but tried to avoid talking about Bella as much as possible.

I rarely went out. There wasn't anywhere I wanted to be. I still hadn't shaved since that first time here at the McCarty house. I was hoping my beard would throw off anyone who thought maybe they recognized me.

Rosalie and Emmett were back from their 2 week vacation in Rome. Emmett had the idea of letting me wear some of his ill fitting shirts or hats. So far it had worked. As I drove around alone my thoughts traveled to my failed relationship and all the press that loomed ahead of me. Alice was starting to guess that I was warring with myself when she found me curled on the floor behind my bed today. I found that when I dwelled on how I would handle press junkets it was utterly crippling. When I arrived back at Rose's house Alice met me in the kitchen.

"I got you a new phone today, with a new number." She handed me the new iphone. "I took your old one with me to the store and had all of your data transferred." She hesitated, "Before I give it to you I wondered if you wanted me to delete any texts you may have received?"

I nodded my head.

"Okay," she walked out of the room. "I'll be right back."

I sat at the kitchen table. I started to feel that small tug that was scared to erase the texts. This was a permanent move. But I had been working towards this. I knew it was for the best. If I didn't start removing reminders from my life it would be like constantly picking off a scab. A few minutes later Alice handed me my new phone.

"Your old number still works, I'll have it disconnected tomorrow." She paused and furrowed her brow. "Do you think you need to send Bella a message so she knows you are moving on with your life, and your phone number is disconnected?"

I felt a pit in my stomach. This is the end.

"I guess that would be the right thing to do."

She handed me my old phone. I scrolled through until I saw Bella's number. I typed in the message

_"You've humiliated me; my trust in you is gone. What we had is over. Please don't try to reach me again. Let me heal. –E"_ and handed Alice the phone back.

She quickly headed out of the room. I strained my ears to listen for a response, but was met with nothing.

* * *

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